Surviving While in Isolation, A Working Parent’s Perspective

By: Sarah Arrowsmith April 14^th, 2020

Usually my articles are written packed full of research, citations and quotes from people smarter than me. However, for all the research I’ve done on COVID, preventing getting sick, how to protect myself, what fabrics work best for filtration for fabric masks, and the like, none of it has really made me feel better about being in isolation.

Today marks being in isolation for 1 month. I wasn’t planning on working entirely from home When COVID 19 began to cause a worry for the university and our city, my family made a plan. My husband Mike is an EMT and he works 24 hour shifts. On the days between shifts, he would watch our children, who would normally be in daycare. I originally planned to share the responsibility of coming into the lab on those days, to act as a safety and compliance officer while people did their best to keep their experiments running while social distancing. I would have a routine and a plan. Something to depend on. This thing was going to blow over in a few weeks. A month at most. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

A day after we made the plan, Mike was called to deploy to LAX to do health checks for international travelers. In fact, he deployed that night. My husband also works part of the year for FEMA, so he already had a “go-bag” ready. He dashed home for mere minutes to claim his bag, give hugs to his kids and off he went to save the world. He was excited to be off on a new adventure. Save lives. All that great EMS stuff.

No problem. We’ve done this deployment business several times before. The difference this time was that the crisis wasn’t in some faraway place, like the hurricanes usually are. The crisis was everywhere and here at home. Suddenly there was no more daycare. Going into the office was out. No one at home to help, but occasional visits from grandparents. I could no longer take my kids to the park, or to the mall, or to the store to run around and burn energy. Suddenly, my whole world changed in a moment. Now I had to figure out how to work, how to care for my kids and how to keep my sanity.

Day 1. My house was a total wreck. I had the worst time feeding my kids in the morning. I didn’t get dressed. The youngest kept unplugging my computer… I’d rather forget this day.

Day 5. My laptop battery died.

Day 9. Grandma watched the kids while I rushed to work during my son’s nap. Battery replaced.

Day something. I realized I needed structure in my life and the lives of my children…

The next day. Decided to implement the structure I had decided on the day before (don’t judge my procrastination)…

Here’s the so-called structure:

1. 6am, I wake up about 10 minutes before my children. I get dressed (yes, out of the PJs!), I brush my teeth, and I make an actual breakfast.
2. Instead of letting my hellions loaf around all morning, I also get my kids dressed for the day. I feed them actual food for breakfast, not the normal food on the go, granola bar type thing I would do if I was dropping them off at daycare. I now rotate pancakes (with protein powder mixed in), scrambled eggs, toast with jelly, French toast, cereal with milk and oatmeal.
3. After breakfast my kids have an activity. The older son does chores (make bed, brush teeth, pick up laundry, etc.) and the younger one plays with toys. While they are busy I log into my computer and check my emails for about 30-45 minutes depending on how long it takes for my kids to start killing each other.
4. At 9am, I take a break. I put the baby in the stroller and my son rides his bike around the neighborhood.
5. When we get back the kids eat a snack and I go back to my computer.
6. The younger one naps at 10:30a for about 1.5 hours. The older child does online school in another room. I seize the quiet time to make needed phone calls and zoom appointments.
7. Lunch time comes around noon-1ish depending on when the toddler wakes up. We take a break for an hour. Kids get some kind of food item. Grilled cheese sandwiches and apple sauce is a fan favorite. I scored some fresh berries from the farmers market. Did you know a 4-year-old can literally eat blueberries for every meal and not turn blue?
8. After lunch the older son has quiet time, or plays in the sandbox outside. I can keep an eye on him from the window. The younger one goes from one destructive hobby to another while I go back to work on my computer.
9. Around 2pm the boys switch places. The younger one goes outside, and the older one upstairs to watch TV. I sit outside with the toddler and I take phone calls and answer emails from my phone.
10. 3pm rolls around and both kids are cranky and want snacks. I throw cereal at them like a priest who throws holy water at demons. I try to finish up whatever project for the day that I started.
11. 4pm its beyond quits time. Grandma lives with us, so I clear the kitchen and she begins dinner. It’s a dance to keep the kids away from the hot stove and out of the fridge.
12. 5pm dinner happens somehow. Kids complain they don’t like it. The toddler eats something, but most of the food is in his hair and on the floor. They both run away from the table and engage in a battle royale death match over a toy.
13. 6pm I take the younger one for another walk. By now the older one just wants to watch TV and veg.
14. 7pm bath and bedtime routine for the younger one.
15. 8pm the younger one is asleep and the battle for bedtime for the older one begins.
16. 9pm the older one pretends to sleep in my bed. Since the reality is that during the day I couldn’t focus on anything, I go back to my work computer and wrap up my thoughts.
17. 10pm, with some semblance of humanity I finally feed the cat. I do my laundry and tidy the house. The husband gets off his shift at the airport at 10:30pm and I wait impatiently for his phone call before bed beckons.

I’ve found that the best thing to keep anxiety away has been to stay busy and keep my kids busy. For a number of days I used my lunch time to sew masks for the local medical centers. It made me feel useful and that I was making a difference. Even if it wasn’t much. One day on our walk I let my older son take some chalk and he wrote words on the road. More than once I just loaded up my kids in the car and took a drive to nowhere. If nothing else they were strapped down and not able to kick and pull at each other. Once we parked in the Walmart parking lot. The kids enjoyed watching people pass by and I used my phone to answer emails.

Strange times call for innovative solutions. The first solution I had for my anxiety was letting go of the fact that everything needed to be normal. I just can’t expect my life to be a certain way anymore. I’m not working a 9 hour day with no distractions. That’s unreasonable in my current situation. However, I can plan projects that I can break up in 10-15 minute brain sessions and do them all day long between keeping my children alive.

For my graduate students and fellow staff members. Stop beating yourself up for failing while trying to do things the way you’ve always done them. The old ways of getting work done isn’t going to be effective any more while we are all on house arrest. Be creative with your time. Do the best with the resources you have. It’s hard with kids. Sometimes you have to work with their schedule, rather than forcing them to work with yours.

Personally I can’t wait to come back to work again and the short moments I have been able to come into the office and the lab have been precious. At the same time I have a greater appreciation for my children’s providers at day care and at school. I’ve really seen my children in a new way, strengthened my relationship with them, have been forced to learn how to be more patient and understanding. I’ve also learned to be kinder to myself.

As of the posting of this article, Mike returned home from deployment and did a 14 day quarantine in a local hotel. He then came home to very excited kiddos and a very happy wife.